ADDICTION: Desperate Parents, Desperate Teens

A forum and support network for parents and teenagers with depression, drug/alchohol addiction, cutting, obssesive/compulsive disorders

Sunday, November 20, 2005

The Addict as a Predator

Active addicts are predators, and right at the moment I am angry about how that hurts their families.

An active addict has no real thought or concern for others, he is completely self-obsessed on satisfying his need and compulsively focused on satisfying it. So what does that mean for those of us living with active addicts? A world of hurt.

A devoted wife gets blindsighted? The predator strikes - taking the money and possesions to use and discarding wife for addict girlfriend to use alongside him.

Incredulous parents find their addict child has stolen from them to get high? The parasite predator strikes again.

Right now I am seeing the pain of those affected by drug abuse. And I just that much more committed to spreading the message of recovery after this perspective. Our lives are on the line.

Wednesday, August 31, 2005

Interactive 12 Step site is Awesome!

At 3:30 a.m. last night, when I yet again couldn't sleep, in spite or because of the inadequate meds my (cough) doctor is giving me, well, I decided to just surf the net instead of my obsessive mind.

Everyone should check out http://open-mind.org/ What a great support system! There is FREE downloadable software for things like: fourth step worksheet, journal with one/a/day inspirational quotes'; self.ql_skeyphrase='inspirational%20quotes'; if(window.event) self.ql_sevent=window.event.srcElement; self.ql_timeout = setTimeout('ql_doMouseOver(1)', 1000); self.ql_isOverLink=true; return true;" style="BORDER-BOTTOM: 3px double; TEXT-DECORATION: none" onclick="if(self.ql_timeout) clearTimeout(self.ql_timeout); self.ql_isOverTip = false; ql_closeiframe(); self.ql_skeyphrase='inspirational%20quotes'; window.status='Search for: inspirational quotes';return true;" onmouseout="window.status=''; if(self.ql_timeout) clearTimeout(self.ql_timeout); self.ql_isOverTip = false; setTimeout('ql_closeiframe()', 1500); " href="http://www.qklinkserver.com/lm/rtl3.asp?si=92&k=inspirational%20quotes&st=1">inspirational quotes, interactive Inner Peace workshops, it is AWESOME! These folks just want to spread the world and help people in recovery. Pass it on!

Monday, August 29, 2005

The "Rose" to Recovery


I found this photo on The World According to JJ's Eyes. Isn't it gorgeous? I find the color and robust shapes of the flowers powerful in a sense. Inspiring. Roses have thorns. Kind of like recovery still has challenges. A lot of us in recovery sometimes wonder if we're making progress because we're still not problem free. We have to remember that instead of being part of the problem now being part of the solution makes life today much better. For me the bloom and the rose is serenity and growth. Progress not perfection. Thank you, JJ, for sharing the photo.

Monday, July 18, 2005

The Gift of Desperation in Recovery

Wow, now I never ever thought of desperation as a gift - but as a condition, red-alert, mayday - that is why this Blog is titled as it is. But in one of those amazing coincidence that somehow feel spiritual, I found the title "The Gift of Desperation" in on of my daily recovery readings. It goes on to talk about how when we are truly desperate, with our backs to the wall, only then will we be willing to do whatever necessary to heal ourselves. We were out of ideas, so we had to be open to new ones. We couldn't use control anymore, so we became willing to surrender to a different approach. And we became open-minded about a path to recovery that included spiritual principles and a faith in a power greater than ourselves. Thus, the chaos of desperation is seen as a gift because it makes recovery possible, says the reading.
Double wow. That's something that I can try on and see if it fits. I do see myself in memory blah-blah-blahing to my daughters, sounding preachy, but convinced I was helping them. I knew in my heart they weren't hearing my words. But I kept on trying to help them solve their problems in the same old way.
Who was it said doing the same thing over and over while expecting different results is a definition of insanity?So what would I have done differently, in retrospect? Many things. And, some things I did actually worked for them. But not good enough for my conscience, having agonized through my children's suicide attempts.
I would have focused a LOT more on getting my own house in order FIRST. I would have ruthlessly examined my life for any mixed messages I might have been sending them; for example, having a cocktail or two or three every night while preaching just say no to them. I would have listened and not judged and not criticized a lot more. And I would focus my energy on being a role model they could trust and respect.

Saturday, July 16, 2005

Tough Enough to Live

She's a Survivor! A thriving teen enjoys her life.

Tough times and tougher teens

I am starting this Blog for the purpose of providing support for parents of teens who are having problems - which would include all parents! Seriously, I want to reach out to other moms and dads who are wrestling with issues like drug abuse, depression, cutting and suicide. You are NOT alone. Perhaps we can share our burdens on this road.

I read the book Reviving Ophelia when I taught high school and discovered the high number of girls who commit suicide every year. From the 16th century in which Shakespeare's doomed adolescent throws herself into the river to the 21st century classrooms and homes, girls are in trouble and often parents don't know how to help, or how to see the signs. In my daughters' case, the all-black ensembles - and that would include lipstick - and chains tipped me off just a bit. And note that was daughters, plural. But sometimes even knowing about your child's issues can't prevent one determined to make her own life-or-death statement.

Both of my beautiful, beloved, precious daughters made almost-fatal suicide attempts when they were 15, about four years apart. Both were in intensive care for a while. Both incidents changed our lives. Miraculously, they survived, their father, now my ex, survived, and are continuing to live and learn.

But I would not have even my worst enemy experience the abject terror of almost losing your child to a death by her own hand.